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IT'S ONLY PAINT!

Mistakes and missteps can be painful, in art and in life. The process of soul searching transitions that don't come easily is a universal opportunity for us to let each misstep lead the way to something better. But it does require courage and faith that what can be gained is more valuable than what is being lost. Ah! But when we get it right, it's worth it! 

I believe in bread crumbs! Ever since getting a digital camera, I have taken progressive photos of my paintings so that I can remember my decisions along the way. As a teacher, I advise my students to use this kind of visual diary. In the case of my unfinished “Meditation Mermaid”, it is now painful for me to look back at some of the good decisions I eliminated and the lousy ones I made in the first place. As you look at the progressive pictures and say to yourself, “Why on earth did she do that?”, remember what I always tell my students when they resist changing what they have done, “It’s only paint!”

One of my favorite painters, Joaquin Sorolla believed, "You should not know what your painting is to look like until it is done. Just see the picture that is coming."

My first mermaid was a young girl, caressing her fish tail. I liked the intimate portrait of her absorption in herself. I began blocking blue in the background as negative space around the sea fan coral I was planning. I quickly covered the canvas, developing the coral background. When I finished, it was nice. But I hadn’t created the feeling I wanted. What now? Maybe she was too young, and the hair needed to show movement in the water. Maybe my mermaid needed to be more exotic. What I did next scared even me, and it didn’t stay on my canvas very long.

I decided to direct her attention up and give her a new face. I left the turtle to add a little perspective and a sense of sea life companionship. But the change wasn’t enough. The tail was too high in the composition, and her caressing her tail didn’t make sense now. Then I took a drastic step. Remember, “It’s only paint.”

I painted out her tail and her arm. I brought her new arm down, resting her hand in a ‘receiving’ position, as in meditation. The background opened up for something new (or nothing), and suddenly her face turned skyward had meaning. I added a coral wall in the distance and light from an unidentified source and put back some of the red coral and an orange clown fish peeking at her through a clump of sea grass. Still not right.

Up until now, I have only had the courage to think about changing her again. This final image of her is not what I want, and I need to find her. So once again, I will be painting out the tail and the fish swimming down. I will add some coral patterns back in and find patterns of light on her skin. I will unpaint and paint until she is who I feel. When I get my mermaid right, I will show her to you. And we will celebrate! In the meantime, wish me courage and patience. I would love to know your thoughts about mistakes and how they have opened your eyes to other possibilities.

If you would like to catch up on my Art Newsletters which tell the Story of my zigzag Art Life, you can find them at:

https://www.suzanneelizabethmurphy.com/newsletter-archive

Keep reading(Follow this Blog) and share me with the Social Media buttons. Most of all, stay safe and sound. The world needs You!

Suzanne 

Painting, teaching, studio, gallery, exhibiting in shows and sharing it all with my Studio Partner, Percy. Whoa! My Art Life is anything but static and setting priorities is a daily thing. And there are No Straight Lines. You may be an art buddy, art student, friend, business associate, art collector, art appreciator or someone I have never met but would like to. The best way to let you into my head and heart is to talk about my paintings, how I make them and what they mean to me.  

Sometimes when things are sad and difficult and unsure, as now with life turning our lives upside down, I turn to painting. It does not necessarily provide answers, but the process can be consoling. Painting is a way to pull out feelings and then morph them into something I can see and touch. For those who don't paint, even looking at someone else's painting can have the same effect.

Surprisingly, what I produce at times like this is not sad, or difficult, or unsure. For instance, I am painting butterflies this month. I will show it to you soon. But as I begin this weekly Blog, I would like to take you to another time when I was anxious and not knowing which way to take my life. I pulled out a memory of a moment that quieted me, and I felt safe.

When I lived in NYC decades ago, I wrote the following for a weekly writer’s group I helped found. The words came from my first experience of scuba diving in the Netherlands Antilles. I could feel my breath slow, and a calm came over me as I descended into a world of blue. A mermaid painting sprung from these old memories:

Water Thoughts

In this place of drought and spareness,

memory of water takes me down.

I silently descend,

drifting beyond things I think I know.

The power of blue,

pulling me toward ecstasy and danger.

I will soon not be myself,

but something unimagined in that place above.

Something that belongs here below.

I am losing my colors, leaving them with the sun.

Disappearing into a world of watery flickering,

as if behind a sheer curtain moving in the breeze.

I am not afraid of what may show itself to me.

Of things I only feel might be so.

Suzanne Elizabeth Murphy

                                    1988

I began her  6 years ago. She has become my  “Meditation Mermaid", and somehow I know she is me. She has had many forms, and I have not been able to finish her. I remember reading somewhere that Leonardo Da Vinci worked on his Mona Lisa for 7 years until he died. It will probably be that long for me. But hopefully, I won't die!

Right now, she is sitting against my studio wall on her side. She is large, 36” x 48”. I can't ignore her any longer. I'm thinking that if I talk to you about her, it might help me understand what I want her to be. Join me for my next Blog where I will dare to show you images of all her evolutions, all my mistakes. I keep trying to remember Edgar Degas' wisdom, "Only when he no longer knows what he is doing does the painter do good things."

To catch up, you can find my first three Newsletters, No Straight Lines at:  https://www.suzanneelizabethmurphy.com/newsletter-archive

I invite you to share my Blog and Newsletters with a friend using the Social Media buttons. And I always welcome your comments.

See you in a few weeks for more. Stay safe and hopeful. The world needs you!

Suzanne